wowow it’s been so long already.
and yet not much has changed. lately, there have been so many repeats. as in repeats of everything; feelings, results, activities — life. I think along the way I have discovered my great fascination with the lives of others. (not nosy per se, but yeah) I have come to realise that we are far too busy making snap judgements of others, that we can’t see beyond the surface. Negligence, but some may refer to it as, in short, IDGAF. After all, we are only human, for we possess the same heart pumping the synonymous crimson liquid throughout our bodies (thank you, bio) I guess what I’m trying to say is to think deeper and most importantly feel deeper.
the other friday, I happened to be in the mood for muay thai, which rarely happens now /unfithippowoo/. Right smack in the middle of the trainees was this girl. This girl, had her hair dyed a flurry of green and purple and white. piercings of silver, gold and jewel toned decorated her profile. In short, she looked scary. But what was scarier was the 4 metre radius between her and the rest of the trainees in between rows. scared as I might have been, I felt sad for her. and it looked like she was trying to hold all her emotions in and give off this aura of IDGAF-ness, but it was obvious, so extremely obvious, that she felt alone. As I got closer, I noticed the pale scars which zigzagged across her thighs, making morbidly pretty patterns that took up almost three quarters of her thighs.
There was something about the way she talked, (I was the only one willing to partner her for warm ups, people need to stop making their judgements so transparent okay) that fragile tone of voice, like she could just crumble into pieces at any moment. that tone of voice seemed to encapsulate her entire life story, I have no idea how that seems remotely possible but it just was.
and then a few hours later, I talked to someone else, one who I have known more than half of my life and yet never fully understood. so flamboyant in his actions, one who makes my ego look like an ant pressed between the soles of a boot and the floor. I finally had the guts to ask him a question, his foundation to the effortless IDGAF attitude. but in reality, he cared, he cared a hell lot. and that’s why he felt the need to exude such a cool exterior. it was because he had so much to hide, the layers and coats still continue to pile on every day. and to this day I still have no idea who he is. he can no longer feel, and that is such a goddamn waste. some times, I catch myself thinking about him and then I stop myself. because he isn’t worth it.
“It rose from the ashes, then passed through the fire, again.”